Some nights when I'm alone in dark rooms the "static" type of vision that you get when you immediately turn the lights off just sticks around indefinitely and starts to morph into weird tv static shadows that look like crawling viruses as you would view them under a microscope. My psychiatrist has told me that because these happen without any delusional thinking it's probably ok if I don't take antipsychotics for now.

I made plans tomorrow with a girl I've gone out with twice now and kissed the second time we hung out, and about two hours later she snapchatted me a picture of her with two guys, one of them was kissing her on the cheek, and some joking hashtags about partying. They all looked drunk and goofy, and she just had her hair up and was in a t shirt so they're probably all just friends, but I can't help but worry in the back of my head that she might hook up with someone tonight, in which case I'd just have to have us just be friends cause deep down I'm an emotional bitch who gets attached too easily. Idk she seemed special, just like every girl, and I wonder if I should just give up on ever being with somebody when I can feel smugly superior to everyone and not acknowledge my weakness if I'm single.

I can't see myself ever going back to school with how my personality is developing, and I feel like this will make attaining a middle class lifestyle a very chaotic process.

At one point tonight I entertained the thought of slitting my wrists a couple times then driving myself to the hospital so that I could take a three week break from life and have all my feels catered to by mental hospital orderlies. Then I let it pass.

Share your feels below!