Ohhhhmg I don't even know where to start. We (38f/37m) have been together 4.5 years, living together over 3 years. I brought up marriage almost 2 years ago (March 2023), he said he wasn't ready. I kept bringing it up again every couple months after to try to express that it's important to me to know our relationship will move forward, but usually got the same tune that he's not ready, or he would bring up recent arguments as evidence.

This year on Jan 1 I asked if he could give me a time frame of when he may propose. He said 6 months. 6 months go by and he hasn't even begun ring shopping. Mind you, during this time, I'd offered a few times for us to go ring shopping. His new excuse is that he doesn't want me picking it out, he wants to do it.

I finally got him into a jewelry store in July this year. Where we learn that getting a ring will take a lot longer than he probably ever thought. We had a big event late July, where he told me the ring won't be ready by then bc he wanted me to not get my hopes up, but that it (proposal) will likely be within the next few weeks after. Mind you, I pitched the placeholder idea, and he didn't like it. And I've been very clear that the jewelry is not why I want to get engaged, and that I'll buy my own ring to prove I really don't care about the ring itself.

August ticks by with crickets. Sometime in Oct. he let me know that he bought a center stone (lab diamond) but wasn't sure if I would like it. He went big, too big, and he was right that I didn't like it. So weeks later we went back to the jewelry store to find the right size. It would take several weeks after that (and our last few big events for the year besides Xmas) for it to be ready.

He just brought home the ring a week ago (I saw his location on find my friends). Over the past week we've had some arguments that resulted in us feeling like we are currently in a bad place and have a lot to work through. Fine, I am okay waiting for a proposal.

We are going back to my hometown for Xmas, to stay with my dad who he already asked permission back in September. This morning, my bf, after seeing a sparkly middle finger ring I bought myself, offered to let me wear the engagement ring, even though we're not formally engaged yet. He said something along the lines of, if anyone asks, we can let them know that we aren't officially engaged yet, but I'm wearing it as a promise. Are. You. Fucking. Kidding. Me.

And any time I say I just want a formal commitment, he counters with, "I am committed, I'm here with you, living with you, telling I love you every day." And gets mad at me that I am suggesting that he isn't committed.

I just told him I don't want a proposal or ring anymore. I just want our life together. It's probably better in the long run anyway, because I own the house and have more money than he does, and I've been married before so I don't feel like I need another wedding. Maybe this is me trying reverse psychology because I know it's something he still wants. I don't know. I'm just hurt and pissed.