Imagine a viking picking you up, throwing you over his shoulder, taking you back to his bedroom, and then awkwardly looking at you as he tries to convince himself that he's allowed to take your clothes off.

About like that.

Basically, I've had a few hangups about things (including my own attractiveness- the answer seems to be that I actually am, if the woman in question is attracted to the viking dad bod build), and I'd like to work on getting over them. I understand, intellectually, that sex really isn't a big deal, but there's a difference between knowing something intellectually and experiencing it.

Hence this posting.

About me:

-Large build (fair bit of muscle, fair bit of fat. Got a gut, got nice strong legs. Another way I put it is that I'm built for hugs- nice and stable, but also nicely soft).

-Long, curly brown hair, long red beard, blue-grey eyes.

-Quiet, calm, curious. Overly verbose when I actually do start talking or typing. I'll be you couldn't tell...

-Silly and upbeat, in a quiet, reserved way. I suppose I might describe myself as having 'this, too, will pass' style positivity. This may well pass like an adamantine kidney stone, but it will pass, and there will be good things around the corner. Along with more awful things, but we can work with that.

About you:

-You should be a pretty lady. If you read that and thought that you weren't pretty enough, then I'm sorry to inform you that your brain is a lying jerk, because you are pretty, and you may well need awkward reminders from a large, deep-voiced man.

-You should be comfortable saying no. This is for the opposite of the normal reason- my brain is very concerned about inadvertently rumbling over proper consent via largeness and a loud voice (I'm pretty sure I come off as wildly unintimidating, but crossing the line about consent isn't something I want to take any risks with.) The more comfortable you are saying 'no', the more comfortable I am with the whole thing.

-You should live in the Portland area, or somewhere reasonably nearby that is also a nifty place to visit. 'Nifty place to visit', this time of year, includes lower temperatures than Portland. Large size and large, poofy hair do not combine well with heat.

-You should be both effective and patient with communication. We're going to need to figure out exactly what, and where, and how much. The 'patient' bit comes from the fact that I've got bad hearing. So you're going to have to repeat a few things. On the plus side, I like to share the utterly nonsensical things that my brain tells me that it thinks it heard. "Gnome ursurpings" is a good one.

Dealbreakers:

-Please don't smoke. The smell causes me all kinds of issues.

-Be vaccinated, and generally taking the pandemic seriously. One of the long-term covid complications is apparently tinnitus, and forget that noise. I'm also wildly uninterested in introducing it to my grandma, who I visit frequently and who lives in a small care facility. She's vaccinated, but why run the risk? And, to be clear, I'm vaccinated myself. Pfizer, a couple months or so ago.

-STD/general disease free. Pretty clear. I got tested for some/most about a year ago as part of getting set up with a new general practitioner, but let me know if you want me to get another (and thereby more recent) test. We'll still be using a condom, because why run stupid risks, just to make that clear.

New, profanity-free post! There wasn't much the first time around, but apparently any is too much.