Hello I’m a 25 year old man that lives in a town called Pontiac in the state of Illinois. Im a Hispanic with long hair 5’9 in height and weigh about 240lbs so I’m kind of chunky. My whole life I have never known what it was like to be in a relationship of any kind because I’ve had a hard time making friends. I’ve always been very shy but as I got older it’s gotten even worse that now I have terrible social anxiety. It’s even worse when I’m around women and it doesn’t help that I feel very ugly and hate being out in public because I think I look hideous. What brought me to this conclusion that I’m ugly was this instance in high school where I unfortunately told a friend I like this girl and thought it would stay between us but instead he tells her that I like her I understand he was just trying to help me out but I didn’t want him to say anything because I was afraid of what she might say. Well I was right to feel that way because when he told her the reaction was “ew him he likes me” it completely destroyed me. Fast forward to after I graduated high school I started to try my luck on dating apps and sites to no avail. Never got matches and if I ever did they would unmatch almost immediately when I tried to message them. I then tried a few other sites where you post ads about your situation like I’m doing now on Reddit and I’ve gotten a few messages but whenever I send a picture of what I look like they would ghost me or they would be honest and say I’m not their type which I understand. There a lot of things that come into play that really does not help my cause besides my appearance. Im unintelligible, mentally unstable, ugly, can’t drive, and I still live with my parents. The only thing I have going for me is that I have a job that i feel absolutely miserable at. I’ve been working on myself to get better by going to a psychiatrist and therapist and that seems to be helping. But it still does not help that I feel unwanted. My biggest wish is to be desired and loved by a woman even if it’s just once so that is why I’m posting on here to try my luck and finally have that feeling. I’m sorry for how long this is and I appreciate who ever takes the time to read it. If any one’s interested in helping or talking you can message me anytime thank you again for your time.