Guides and Instructions

This page contains a series of Guides and Instructions to help you navigate many of the difficulties that you may run into while using reddit to search for lifestyle partners. While reading, please keep in mind that these guides applies mainly to the use of /r/OhioR4R, and may not apply elsewhere. Additionally, this guide is being provided for your benefit, and we take no responsibility in your utilization of any and/or all parts of this guide. Please post and respond responsibly.

What to Expect and the Typical R4R Process

While there's no defined process for meetups, and every person in the lifestyle adopts a different process when it comes to searching for other redditors. There are many different types of postings here, from singles, to couples, hotwives, bulls, etc. The only posts we do not allow are affairs / cheating and any illegal activities. You can generally expect the process to go as follows:

1. Set your expectation to zero. The process could fall apart, and commitments may not be met at anytime during the process. The less expectation you have, the better off you will be. However, it is important to keep any commitments you make to others and respect others as you would want to be respected. Show up on time, or notify others as early as possible of any change of plans.
2. Post on Ohior4r and/or Reach out to a poster on Ohior4r with a quick intro (Usually via direct message), or chat function.
3. Exchange common parameters such as age, gender, gender preference, location, ethnicity, height, weight, for all parties involved. Everyone interested? Good, move on to the next step.
4. Exchange Kik contact information via message or chat function on Reddit (and/or other preferred chat service) and begin chat session.
5. Complete verification through Kik or other service (See Verification Guide below). Both parties verified successfully? Go on the to next step.
6. Chat for a bit, check for interest. Do you guys like each other? Rock on - Keep going.
7. Exchange face pics to confirm interest (See Private Information Security Guide below and determine the best method of which you should share your face pics). Like what you see?
8. (Optional) Add all members involved to the chat. Four-way (FM4FM) dialog is the quickest way to confirm whether or not you will have a good time with both members of the other party. If there's hesitation in one party to add the female to the chat, or if one member of the party is not really interested in the conversation, it is usually an early indicator of complication further down the line. It's very common for 'new couples' to have 1 member pushing and the other partner simply going along for the ride. This is not a good situation.
9. Schedule a meet up at a public place! This could be a local park, during non-COVID19 times a local bar or restaurant, or even a common activity. Be clear and concise about the date, location, and time. Keep your commitments, don't be late, and give as much notice as you possibly can if your circumstances change.
10. If you haven't already, align expectations with your partner on clear and defined boundaries and communicate them clearly to the other party. (See Defining Boundaries Guide)
11. Check in with the person / couple the day before to confirm that you are all still on for the date. Don't be late, and text your process when heading towards the meet up destination.
12. Meet up, have a good time chatting. STILL like each other? Awesome! We'll leave you guys to figure out the rest!

Verification Process

Due to the nature of the online community, it invariably attracts many individuals pretending to be women / couples in order to collect private photos for their own enjoyment.

It is up to every individual person or couple that posts to verify the authenticity of the party they are engaging in conversation with in order to prevent wasting valuable time and/or sharing private photos to a disingenuous party.

To verify a redditor whom you have begin the engage in conversation with, we recommend using one of the following two methods:

Method 1: Through Kik Messenger's [iOS/Android] Live Camera Feature.

You can verify another person via Kik Messenger by requesting for them to send a "Live Photo" directly from Kik.

To do so, you will need to click here and take a photo directly in the Kik app, and your resulting Live Photo will display a little "Camera" text below the image.

For received verification images, look for the "Camera" text below the image.

THIS METHOD CAN BE FAKED VIA SOPHISTICATED MEANS, as is with all methods. See "How Not to Waste Time on Fakes" part of the guide.

Method 2: Have the other person hold a piece of paper with their Kik or Reddit username written on it.

This method is old-school but it works. Simply have the other person hold up a piece of paper with their Kik usernames written on it. Having the date written on it is a nice to have but not really necessary. Additionally, it's helpful to have a version of this photo handy so that you can provide a quick verification to the other party at any time. This is the process /r/OhioR4R, uses to assign Verified tags to user names.

Key things to remember:

• Face is not required for verification for /r/OhioR4R, often people will not send it, and neither is an NSFW image. If anyone requires the verification photo to be NSFW. You should be suspicious of their motives. (common tactic for photo collectors & Catfish)
• Verification of couples is not a valid verification unless the female party is in the photo.
• Verification of couples is suspicious when the female party is in the photo, but seems to have not known that the picture is being taken. Request another one with the female keenly aware of what is happening to ensure authentic intent.
• Neither verification methods is 100% foolproof, but will prevent 95% of all fakes. Use your own best judgement based on the particular scenario.

Private Information Security Guide

When exchanging personal information and/or photos, it is important to utilize a service that represent the least amount of risk of data exposure. This is especially important when sharing photos of your face(s) with the other party.

When sharing photos of your face and/or personal information such as, full name, phone number or address. We recommend using an separate, secure, and independent service than the primary chat application you have been using (e.g. Kik) to securely share this info.

While doing so could generate some irritation for both parties, complete segregation of Lifestyle Information (private photos w/o face conversation) against Personally Identifiable Information (face, name, address, number) by routing through two independent services have several key benefits:

1. In the event of a data breach in one service, malicious third party will only receive either your Lifestyle Information or your Personally Identifiable Information. Either set of information means much without being combined with the other, resulting in near-foolproof protection of your info.
2. Kik IS NOT A SECURE SERVICE nor is it privacy oriented. Information and photos shared through Kik have a high likelihood of being read by a party not within the conversation (e.g. An employee at Kik). While there is no evidence of abuse at this time, sharing of Personally Identifiable Information along with your Lifestyle Information together on Kik is not recommended. We have removed our rule that you cannot post these (or SnapChats) temporarily, however if further abuse
3. Other more secure services offer significantly higher peace of mind for their users, offering features such as end-to-end encryption, true message self-destruct, and screenshot prevention. These services should be used to share your Personally Identifiable Information.

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Protect Yourself, Verify Early in Conversations

Reddit is a free site, and as such, there are virtually no barriers of entry for fakes, pic-collectors, and other disingenuous couples to actively participate in the r4r community. Similar to any other any online interactions, you and only you are responsible for your well-being on reddit.

There are several types of disingenuous people that you will invariably run into in the r4r community, the most frequent of which are:

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• Fakes (Photo Collector): A single person pretending to be a couple, often for the exclusive purpose of obtaining NSFW photos of the couple they are chatting with. These are the most common types of disingenuous people you will run into, and one of the easiest to identify.
• Fakes (Unfaithful): A single component of a couple pretending to be a couple, providing "verification" that includes the female but they appear to be unaware of the photo being taken. Unfaithful fakes are basically a cheating spouse that is using swinging as an excuse to photo collect or have sex outside of a marriage with their partner being unaware of their actions. These people are somewhat harder to identify. Any post referring to discrete, inability to host, or having a post history on affairs, naughyfromneglect or are otherwise viewed at cheating will be removed and their poster permanently banned.
• Couple (Photo Collector): One of the most difficult type of disingenuous people to identify. This is a couple that pretends to be swingers for the expressed purpose of collecting NSFW pictures. They can provide verification just as well as any other honest couples, but will appear to be exceptionally interested in NSFW photos.
• Couple (Window Shoppers): Very similar to Photo Collector couples, but these couples tend to be more interested in a continuous chat with other couples and a constant exchange of images without actually intending to meet up. These are very difficult to identify as well. While this is fundamentally fine to do if you're candid about it, it's almost never portrayed as such.
• Couple (Other): While not completely disingenuous, these are other couples that may result in you and your partner having a poor experience. These couples include flakes, dishonest about key facts (DDF, etc..) , boundary pushers, drama queens, all the way up to rape (removing condom without consent during sex, forcing their partners to swing without consent, etc).

How to not waste time with these people:

1. VERIFY, VERIFY, VERIFY: This should be the very first thing you do. Best practice is to send a quick verification of yourself as a couple, and request a return verification. If the other party offers some excuses such as that they will verify later and/or that their female partner is not available. Just say "No Rush" and follow up once in the evening. Usually fakes would give some excuse and never get back to you with counter-verification. (See Part 2: Verification Process Guide for details on how to verify.)
2. Verify More: If the verification is suspicious in some way (super low resolution, girl doesn't seem interested, and/or they do not follow your requested instructions), then you should request a re-verification. Re-verification should be much more stringent as you now have reason to suspect foul play. Request your kik/reddit names to be written on a piece of paper and held at a minimum by the female party. If they are unable to do so, or gets angry at you, then don't worry, they are most likely fake.
3. Check Reddit Post History: Another effective method of identifying fakes is to check the reddit account's post history. Does the user have any post history? How long has the user been on reddit? Who does the user reach out to? What do they say? Generally, fakes will have new accounts with little to no public interaction with the subreddit, and/or accounts with a long age but no posts. The use of this method is only recommended IF you suspect foul play from the other party, as new users of /r/OhioR4R, would have similar conditions.
4. Four-Way Kik Group: Having a 4-way chat on Kik is difficult to fake, as Kik can only be signed in on a single device at a time, and will remove all chat history if the account is signed into another device. For someone to fake an active 2-person conversation, it will require them to have two devices on Kik at the same time and chat as two people. While not 100% foolproof, it would require a significant amount of effort from fakes that they tend to not to spend time replicating this effort. Please keep in mind that a 4-way chat does not replace verification.
5. Trust your Gut: This is a very important one and possibly the most effective method. Your instinct is your greatest ally, and can often tell that something is wrong without you having to identify the exact root cause. Trust what your instinct is telling you if something "feels" off, and disengage accordingly.

While there's no way to 100% rule out fakes, using the above methods in combination will help eliminate 99% of the headaches you will receive from fakes. There is unfortunately no good ways to rule out disingenuous couples, so you will have to trust your gut to weed them out.

Define Your Boundaries

Before you post, you should understand what your goals are with your posting. As mentioned before previously in this guide the expectation for what you have a couple should be clear in your post, or immediately upon having a conversation with other parties. It's best to lead with those expectations and what your rules and boundaries are.

Hard Swap vs Soft Swap is the first clear expectation you should put within a post or response. This is often a big sticking point with newer couples who are unsure about PIV or seeing their partners with others. Similar Same vs Different Room should be explicitly determined right away, or discussed before being in the moment.

Some couples don't kiss, and that's okay! Some do not allow separate communication (and only want group texts), and that's okay too! Swinging is about communication with your existing partner, and work out what works best for you.

Safe Meeting Guidelines

Public, Public, Public. We at no times advise that you ever meet someone at their home, hotel, private place of business or back alley. While we support all kinks - your first meetup with anyone new should be in a safe place with others around. At this point we are recommending state or local parks during daylight hours. While many pavilions and closed, the trails, parking lots and tables are open. Once things return to normal, we recommend bars and restaurants. Those that want to skip directly to private locations have a high likelihood of being a scam, predatory in nature, or in some other way dangerous.

If you are being asked for money to split a room, pay for gas, or otherwise support a meetup before meeting in person, walk away.

When meeting, confirm their names and that they look like the pictures provided. We recommend reaffirming the information you've traded, such as boundaries, rules and intents. We additionally recommend that you do not play on the first meet / date, though use your best judgement.

Commonly Used Terms

• Hard Swap: Usually means all activities are on the table including PIV. However, definition varies from couple to couple. Prior expectation alignment is highly recommended.
• Soft Swap: Usually means no PIV during a swap session. However, definition varies from couple to couple. Prior expectation alignment is highly recommended.
• Same Room: Activities of swap are being done in the same room for all parties involved.
• Different Room: Activities of swap are being done in the different rooms for all parties involved.
• Hall Pass: Male and/or female components of a couple with the ability to engage in sexual activities with other men or women with full permission from the other partner.
• Single Male: A single male that engages in mutually consensual lifestyle activities with other couples or singles with no primary partner.
• Single Female: A single female that engages in mutually consensual lifestyle activities with other couples or singles with no primary partner.
• Unicorn: Slang for single female, originated from the difficulty of which finding one. We strongly encourage "Unicorn Hunters" to read this before posting: https://www.unicorns-r-us.com/
• Bull: A sexually dominant male that cuckold the male while engaging in sexual activities with the wife for fun or financial gain. (Exchange of money for services is not allowed on Ohior4r )
• Hotwife: A married women that engages in relationships and sexual activities with other men, with full knowledge and permission of her husband.
• Cuckold: A male that enjoys watching his female partner have sex with another male. Often does not participate in activities.
• Cuckquean: A female that enjoys watching his male partner have sex with another female. Often does not participate in activities.
• PIV: Penis in Vagina
• FWB: Friends With Benefits
• DDF: Drug & Disease Free
• NSA: No Strings Attached
• HWP: Height-Weight Proportional - Meaning an individual's weight is appropriate for their height. (i.e. not over or underweight)

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With the recent reduction in mods, all bans have been moved to permanent and you may send a message to modmail to appeal for a shorter duration. Our commitment is to keep this community safe and approachable in uncertain times. With adjusting some of the rules, if you feel a previous ban no longer aligns with the current allowed rules, we will evaluate your status on a case-by-case basis.

We are currently taking applications for additional moderators, please send a verification and brief synopsis about your intent to moderate to modmail.

1 - Follow all Title Posting Guidelines (See sticky) and be 18

This is pretty self explanatory, but the automoderator will kick back your submission if you don't. You must have an account over 30 karma, over a week old, and the content of your post must be 35 words.

2 - No Buying or Selling Allowed, including promotion of paid / subscription services and sugaring.

This includes offers of gifts, gas money, or any exchange of goods or services for sex / dates. We're serious about this, and it's an instantly permanent ban.

3 - Don't Share Personal Information in Posts or Comments (this includes KIK / Snapchats)

This is usually a 7-14 day suspension. Trying to get around this by using false letters (ex. k!k) will result in a higher penalty. If you want to connect with someone, PM them or use the chat function.

4 - One Post Per Weekly Period / Anti-Spam

5 - No Obscene or Illegal activities.

Yes, this includes weed. It's alright to put that you're 420 friendly (in the content of the post, not the title), and it's fine if you have access to it legally (though if it's for medical use, it's illegal to share it with others), but ANY drugs, or other illegal activities will not be tolerated and result in a permanent ban.

6 - No posting of photos of anyone without their consent or phishing for photos.

Again, pretty self explanatory, but if your photo shows up on Google Images, or you post 'on behalf' of someone else, you will have the post removed and suspended until you can provide modmail proof that the person you're posting for is aware of your posting and consenting to it.

7 - Singles or Ethical Non-Monogamy Only (No Cheaters / Affairs)

No tolerance here people. Nothing on the "DL", no "discretion", nothing. This is an immediate permanent removal. Married M4M looking to 'explore their sexuality' MUST confirm to modmail with a verified photo of their wife that there's permissive ethical non-monogamy, otherwise posts will be assumed cheating.

8 - NSFW Images must be marked NSFW, and cannot display genitals.