Hey there!

Like it says on the cover, I hope to meet an active, smart, snarky, and submissive-in-the-sheets woman who is considering a male addition (a boner donor) to her bedroom arsenal.

Aside from having a functional dick, what do I have to offer?

1. I'm vetted. Someone put a ring on me for eternity, and not just my package. Thanks to consensual non-monogamy, you too can enjoy the uhh ... package.

2. I'm smart and super snarky. I skipped a grade and won a Britney Spears lip sync competition. Not in that order.

3. I am vasectomied and ready for our post-Roe America Thunderdome apocalypse. Remember to vote!

4. I'm up to date on my shots and have recent STI tests, all negative.

By day I am an irreverent mild-mannered DC professional. You’d never clock my kinky side. I love reading, drawing, cooking, and tinkering with electronics. I work out to enjoy pizza. For the height supremacists out there, I'm ~5' 7" (172 cm). Even so, I'm still growing as a person.

What I'm Looking For:

• Fun & Friendship First: Most of our time will be vertical. Let’s exchange books, memes, news, and more, not just body fluids.
• Kinky Dynamics: I lean into release denial and praise rather than pain. If you identify as a snowbunny, tell me about your favorite authors in the African diaspora.
  
• Consistency over Novelty: Seeking an enduring connection beyond the initial thrill of my, uhh, package.

Non-Negotiables:

• No tobacco users.
• No couples; I was never good at group projects.
• No unicorns. You only get the stallion that is myself.
• Emotional availability required; let's match energies and intentions.
• Physical availability required; be local to the DMV — I’m not into long-distance.
• Progressive vibes only regarding gender roles, sex, and race.
• No deadly cat or dog allergies.
• Daily flossers only.

Curiosity piqued? Your questions be sought. Let’s banter and see our attractions agree? If stars align 'tween us, then a beverage be bought. The song that we make shall not be for naught.