Idk really what to say I just feel really lonely today and a lot of inward self loathing. Im not a very social person and im okay with that but I look forward to spending my Friday evenings with a friend and just talking about everything. I feel like im losing him though. He has a different friend who is more social and they get along so well even becoming roommates soon and just overall more fun and vibrant. So my friend will go to his parties and have fun and I just feel pathetic because I dont do those things I feel like all im good for is a therapy session. Im just so boring and pathetic I hyperfixate on things for a brief time but don't actually have much that I do. I really struggle to make friends and be normal. Im overly sexual and I hate myself so much for being how I am that I use sex as a coping mechanism I feel like I can never be human that I just am a great actor pretending to be someone people might like to be around at times. I just am feeling like I wanna spontaneously combust just not exist poof gone like a magic trick. I hate feeling like this im such a burden on people as I struggle to process my emotions and keep things to myself so I just overshare and drive people away because of these emotional outbursts and even with my medication they still happen and it hurts me to feel like im not normal without my medicine and when I have an episode or something it becomes like thats all I am. People will see me as like did you take your medicine and I hate being seen as though im not normal even though I know im not. Idk where im going with this im sorry to anyone who actually wastes there time to have read this.