I am ignored and abandoned by everyone. My dad never cared for my existence, just blamed me for my mom’s death and called me by a girl’s name from the age of 6 up until he tried to kill me at 24. He then lied and tried to ruin my life which I won against, but I have PTSD nightmares and other mental health issues to boot. I’m all alone. No one wants me around, no one would be there for me, and I couldn’t be there for anyone but strangers if I tried bc that’s how gone the people in my life are. It then compounds and makes trying to have a social life harder. The girls that come in my life just use me for rebound sex/nothing better to do sex and then try to take advantage or just bail if I ask what we’re doing when it hits that point. My therapist office keeps fucking up my meds so I just went through cold turkey withdrawals again and I stupidly reached out to my buddy that just ignored me. I told them my company just had lay offs today directly in consequence to Republican healthcare legislation changes but I survived it and still on the promotion track… ignored. Literally choose to go out of their way to talk in front of me ignoring anything I add… I just don’t know what I’m doing here anymore. I’m still struggling financially trying to come back from a lot of unfortunate mishaps, no one cares about me or wants me to care about them or be in their lives. I can barely move through a day, can hardly read cus the depression just says no and my wardrobe is getting warn out. I’m tired of trying to be nice and good to people and having the outwardly, goofing, optimistic and apparently uplifting personality people seem to think I have but like I don’t feel like I’m any good of a person. I feel like I’m pretty shit to others actually. Tired of having no passion anymore and being physically Ill. Tired of Alexthymia and literally not being able to process my trauma that I still can’t even explain to myself and tired that brain just cycles negatives and doesn’t know what positives are real and then them not being real being reinforced. I am just such a waste which is coincidentally the last thing my grandma made sure to say about me before she died.