Just so emotionally tired with nothing left to give but I keep fucking giving.

I'm at a job that I can't leave that i hate. I have someone I work with that never takes me at my word about things, even though I have far more experience with the things I am asked about. And instead, because I am under their position, they send me on absolutely useless hunts to prove to them when I am right when my time could be used better, especially when I am working on something far more important than these fruitless wild goose chases.

I have a subordinate who is not a bad person per say. He is just bad at his job ya know? And I get that we need to lose him, but because of my work, the way we are losing him, is going to ruin his life and make getting a job very difficult. And I want to show this kid I give a shit about him, but every time I do extend a hand he takes it and then fucking spits on it. Or something happens that makes my life a lot harder.

And then I come home and my significant other.. the person who is supposed to be my rock just spends their time on fucking wow with their friends. And they laugh and have fun with their friends in a way we used to have fun. But not anymore. Which it's fine to be separate together, but at this point it's like having a roommate who I share a bed with and that is all. Like im their insignificant other. They had a relative, who passed recently. In their grief, instead of turning to me, they turned to their friends and have shut me out on it. They flat out said they sought out one of their friends because their friend, was the person who made them feel better with a hug. When I voiced that what they had said, to me made it seem like they felt they couldn't turn to me or didnt want to turn to me, for a comforting touch, they over explained themselves using the same point over and over again. It wasn't they felt they could turn to me, the other person was closer to them. Or so I was told. But their explanation rang hollower and hollower as time went on. And when i finally got them to shut up long enough to fully explain my emotions and how they were making me feel, they burst into tears and cried themselves to the point of hyperventilating. Yet some how right now at this very moment, they are in the other room, laughing and chatting on WoW with their friends. Having a grand fucking time. And I'm laying here, empty. I'm exhausted in my home and work life. Neither is a reprieve from the other and escaping either is impossible. I know my symptoms of depression yet here i am, aimlessly doomscrolling, with the TV on and not watching what is on it. Seeking a dopamine high that is never gonna fucking come. Fuck it I guess this is my life now. Not like I'm gonna get out alive anyway.