I was talking to a friend of mine about my eating habits which I'll get into straight away. It all started with my mom pointing out how big I used to be when I was little, quoting her "I never want to see you so big your stomach rests on your thighs again". That sounds like an innocent statement but I was eating a cake at the time and my mom was telling me why she was throwing it away. At this I I disgusting because first off she was wasting an entire good (DELICIOUS) cake and commenting on my weight which is something I've been sensitive about for years.

After this and me crying while trying to finish my slice which I never finished I swore I'd stop eating so much. I L O V E food so much I don't know how this happened. I went from eating 2 big meals a day with an evening and morning and after snack to wating maybe five bites of dinner and starving myself to hell and back. I unintentionally starved myself for an entire week without realizing until I noticed I was weak, tired and struggling to do anything.

I normally only eat dinner if it's something I like but normally I just eat candy I am able to suck on and use it as an appetite suppressant which works surprisingly well for me. I had been starting to eat lunch again when I remembered my cousin laughing at me for having a double chin and my grandparents constantly commenting on my weight. It's been back to what I was doing, only I think I've damaged myself for the worse. Today's dinner was delicious and I didn't even manage to eat half my plate. I don't know how to stop and it scares me.

I work out as well and I sleep and dream about being thin only to cry when I have to look in the mirror. It also makes me feel worse because I have skinny friends who look fabulous and I truely love them with my entire heart. But it hurts to hear them talk about how they want to be thinner and I'm just left alone with my own thoughts. Yeah, that's all

Basically I have an ED plus body image and nothing is helping.