I had my first kid on the 13th of this month, which should be a joyous time, albeit a stressful period of transition. Before our daughter was born, my fiancee informed me, much to my chagrin, that her mother wanted to come down from Rhode Island (we live in Florida) for the birth. I bit my tongue for a while, but eventually decided I could no more, as my fiancee (now we) already has a three year old son, and this might be the only biological child I end up having. So, I put my foot down and told my fiancee that I literally couldn't think of another person I'd rather have beside me during the birth of her child than her mother. I know that sounds harsh, but it was honest, and my fiancee knows how her mother is, so she acquiesced. However, I obviously couldn't tell her that her mother couldnt come at all, and three days after the birth of our daughter, her mother arrived with open hands and an empty pocketbook. And she is still here. She came under the "pretext of "helping out with the baby," which I already knew was bullshit before she arrived seeing as she works overnight helping out IT Techs doing installs, so she literally goes to sleep when I wake up, complains about my morning routine, wakes up around the time I get home from work and is back "working" at 7pm, which is her getting the occasional call and troubleshooting, but mostly sitting on my couch, ignoring the baby and I cannot stress this next part enough NONSTOP going on about conspiracy theories for the entire night. It doesn't matter if we stop listening. She will not be deterred. George Sorros this, Bill Gates that. The Covid Vaccine is going to kill everyone (which she may or may not be right about this one, but it's beside the goddamn fucking point!) She tried to get me, a history buff, to watch a 5 hour "documentary" last night about how everything went know about history is a lie and that humans have only been around for 200 years. Then started yelling at me for not being open-minded. She has not lifted a fucking finger since she got here. She treats our apartment like a fucking Holiday Inn. She hasn't cooked or paid for a single meal, or anything for that matter since she got here. I took the family out to a $200 dinner Saturday night and she complained through most of it. I did her fucking laundry yesterday when I got home from work. And everytime she comes down, my fiancee inevitably begins to start sticking up for her whenever I need to vent about what a fucking crab her mother is. Then I start self isolating a bit because I am literally about to die if I hear another crazy conspiracy theory, and then I begin to feel like I'm being made out to be the "bad guy." On top of that, every time she's down my fiancee suddenly finds something that bothers her about me. This time she complained about me waking up an hour early for work, so I can have a little time to myself, so I can meditate, and you know, not kill her mother. So, no time for myself anymore. I feel like she's completely ruined my experience of having a newborn, and it's fucked. This isn't her first grandchild either, so she can't get that out either, if an out was possible. Fuck me, man. Oh yeah, not getting fucked either, obviously. What a time to be alive.... Until Bill Gates buys all the farm land and murders us all of course.