I suffered a lot of trauma coming up and have depression, anxiety, cptsd, ADHD and have been in the process of working through all of them. I can't sleep when I want to sleep and can't stay up when I want to stay up.... Also, though.... I realized no one wants to be around me anymore. I live in such a lonely world where only strangers can care about me and most of the time that's fleeting as you'd expect. I've started to realize I care about people more then anyone has ever cared about me (which sucks bc growing up I was never told I love you by my dad and my mom passed at age 6, the only person in my family to like me, and after that I just got bullied all my life). I'm so tired and I don't even know how to talk to my therapist about it. Idk how to feel like people want to be around me or make it a thing. I was so miserable for so long and then when I feel healed enough and am working through it and improving it's bam all over again.

What can I do. I just... What am I supposed to ask my therapist when I see him Tuesday? How does one talk about this sort of thing without being committed? How does one get a phone plan that can accommodate such a situation I should ask. If I'm stuck I'm typically just stuck. I have no one but me and I'm losing it and there's no one to notice.

I legitimately don't think I matter to anyone that's ever been input my life and I'm to oriented on other people to not lose it.

I can't even say something.to stranger and get a reply. I'm just going to fade away. It doesn't matter.

It's so weird. I could die right now and there'd be no one. I have nothing... And I have to pretend I'm ok to keep the fake bullshit around me. I'm so tired. Oh so tired.