[birth giver name]-

I told myself I wasn’t going to write you a letter. I told myself I didn’t owe you an explanation of any kind and I still feel that way. But here I am. Writing a letter and giving you one. All I can hope is that I am doing this for me. Because you don’t deserve an explanation. You have had 29 years to figure out what you have done wrong and have chosen to check out of every opportunity to be a parent. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Let’s start from where it really began for us. When I was born. Unwanted into the world and do not lie to yourself by saying otherwise. You were 16. Fine I get it. But you chose, against the sane choice which would have been to either put me up for adoption or termination of the pregnancy, and kept me. And you resented me. I felt that my entire life and several times when you were very drunk you confessed to me that you blamed me for ruining your teen years and your body. I made excuses for that too. Over the years I continued to make excuses for the things you did, including forgetting to feed me, stealing from me, lying about it, and attempting to turn my siblings and I against each other using manipulation tactics such as “I wanted to talk to the one child I have that doesn’t hate me” said to each of us at different points during a single week. ALL of that I made excuses for. Do you want to know what was my final straw? Your apology. I realized that every apology that you have ever made to me was so that you could either get something from me or was so I would forget what you had done. Not because you actually cared about the damage you had caused to me. I was a child. You treated me as your personal therapist, your babysitter, your maid, your cook, and at times even called me your best friend. You put so much pressure on me and so much of your emotional damage on my shoulders you never stopped to consider what that was doing to me. You killed the light inside of me and the only way to escape you was to put myself into another situation where I was harmed. And originally I was grateful for you coming to “rescue me” but now looking back to that day all I see is someone who wanted a reason to say I told you so. Which is what you did. You forced me to like a [name of man birth giver married and then adopted me] by calling me selfish for not doing so on your terms. And for the record I never have. He is a selfish man that I have never been able to have a conversation where I didn’t feel like I wasn’t walking on eggshells around him. A giant man-child but at least he found SOME kind of mother in you that I never did. I might have forgiven everything if it weren’t for that apology you gave which opened the flood gates of everything you had ever done to me. Now I find that I cannot forgive you for anything you have done. You may have done your best but it was not enough and what you did do did irreversible damage that I now have to work to try and live with in therapy. I wish I could hurt you the way that you have hurt me. I wish I could tell you how many times my siblings have told me they think of me as their parent and not you or how many times I have looked up if I can divorce myself from my parents. I have even considered asking gram to adopt me. But I know she wouldn’t because she wouldn’t want to upset you. Because she is a good person. I want nothing to do with you anymore. If I could separate myself from you completely I would and I wish you would respect my boundaries and leave me alone. Because I am tired. I am tired I looking away from you and looking at my feel or feeling angrier just by passing by you. I am tired. And if you want to heal our “relationship” you will leave me the fuck alone. You know nothing about me. I don’t want you to know anything about me.

Please move out,

Me