In oct 2012 at 19yrs old, I made some bad choices. I ended up with a record non felony but 5 misdemeanors in one go. After my sentence a few months passed and added 2 more. March of 2013 was the last trouble I was ever in. Since then I have changed my life around though with my record have had trouble finding worthwhile jobs. I always make it through the interviews and assessments with flying colors, a week or so later I get the call/email "we have received your background report and unfortunately we won't be able to move forward with you" I've known people in some of these companies one even in the hr Dept. No matter the steps I've taken to rewrite who I am and to not be judged based off of dumb mistakes all that matters to these companies is who I was close to a decade ago. I was recently doing overnight stocking at a large grocery chain and was let go after 3 weeks of work after the corporate HR reached out to the store hr leader and told them to let me go. The people I had been working with including management tried to argue my case as I do my work to the best of my ability and am generally appreciated when given the chance. They refused to keep me all based off of 6 months of my life over 7 years ago. When I do get work I end up over exerting myself as I feel I need to compensate for what the papers of who I was say about me. I'm 28 now and for the longest time I was looking forward to March of this year as background checks used to be mainly 5-7 years. I am feeling incredibly frustrated now as it seems that has been updated since I last paid attention to it and now places like Lowe's King Soopers and empower retirement are going back 10 years ( all places I got refused due to background checks ). I lost my license due to overdue fines from those charges then and have been working minimum wage jobs to slightly above in toxic work environments living in what ever places accept me based on my background generally pretty rough situations. All of this just feels like a ceiling I can't break through. Any aspirations I have any hope of owning a home getting a good job earning enough on low wage jobs to pay off nearly 7 grand worth of debt remaining from the court cost and jail stay charge and restitution ( multiple theft under 500 yes I know I was horrible) feels like an unattainable dream. I am depressed though people around me wouldn't know and while I would never kill myself I certainly don't fear my death sometime wish it would get here a little faster. I could go on an on about the circumstances that put me in this position, and I have. I think instead this analogy will put it best in the game of chess all my pieces have been taken but my king and while I may be put in check my opponent is unable to put me in check mate yet I refuse to forfeit. Though I often wish my opponent would just win already. TLDR: self pity anger depression poverty ceiling long since dead bad choices.