I've been successfully dealing with my anger issues for years now, but tonight really took the cake. I'm just gonna rant- there's a lot leading up to this.

My father is dying. We have a terrible relationship due to abuse I faced at home ever since I became a part of that family. Somehow I still feel guilty that I can't help him somehow despite the fact that even when I was there last summer to provide whatever support I could he still hit me and screamed at me like he had all the energy in the world. My best friend and emotional support cat died a week ago. I lost two of my sources of income thanks to this quarantine, and haven't spoken with ACTUAL people besides my two roommates in I don't even know how long. I haven't had a hug. The person I thought I was romantically involved with has ghosted me since quarantine started, and I'm sure they have their reasons and need their space, but damn. I'm in the process of having to move out of my dorm to two cities over, and losing most of my household because there's nowhere to store my belongings. And now tonight, two minutes before the timer on my phone goes off to tell me my laundry is done, I decide to go and just wait in the laundry room so I can expedite when I get to go to bed- and my laundry is laying there on the floor, still soapy, with all the other laundry machines full and all the dryers full. I have no clean clothes, so now I have to wash it all by hand and wear dirty clothes tomorrow. So I went outside and yelled about it, and someone really stuck their head out the window to tell me to quiet down and I nearly climbed up the wall to cough at them. (I of course, did not, because I cannot climb walls, and I would never endanger someone like that. I did however, threaten to do so.)

And now I just feel like shit because I finally blew my lid after probably 12 years of having my temper under control. Fuck this. I'm just. So. Damn. Tired.