I needed to get this out as it is all coming to a head. To make sense of all my ramblings I should put out there, for the most part for the better part of a year and a half I have been single. Mostly by choice, mostly. I had a pretty messy break up with someone who I cared deeply for. I just realized after seeing a picture of them and me together, that I no longer feel sad or yearn for them anymore.

Now onto the vent. I have been on the dating scene for about a year now. I have never really gotten all too serious with anyone as I never felt a real connection with many of the people I have went out on dates with. Maybe I was still trying to get myself back together. Maybe I wasn't ready, I am really not sure to be honest. Here comes the confused part; I have connected with someone. Now usually I wouldn't put much weight into this since we have never really met but I have spent not just one entire day, but multiple days of talking to this person without pause. We never seem to stagnate and the real topper is this person is matched in almost every little thing we have spoken about. This has never really happened, not even with past partners. To say the least I am excited to meet this person. Just typing this out makes my heart start to beat faster. Here is the kicker though, I feel like maybe this is too good to be true. I just need to get this off my chest. I want this to be real and that I am just thinking about this way too much. I really want this to be a moment where I am sabotaging myself but I can not for the life of me get the feeling out.

Although we talk entire days they almost always disconnect at the same time. They get up early so they go to bed early. Seems legit. Although, it's also fishy. Especially when they say they will contact me the next day and never do. Though the excitement has been said to be mutual, it feels very one sided. Being asked out but never actually asked to go anywhere. (Time, location, date, etc) Being told they will contact me the next day and never doing it. I caved and contacted them and they apologized, but it happened again. I have been telling myself I am just not going to initiate this time around. I am feeling crazy just thinking about it. I want to throw my hands in the air and go "WTH MAN!?". I have this utter feeling that maybe I am just being catfished, why? I have no idea. I hope i'm wrong. I just have this utter sinking feeling. Which of course then leads my thoughts to go wild, which is what they are doing now. AHHHHH~

Man, that felt good.