I love the fall and winter, but this year has changed that. My dearest cousin passed away, it still hasn't set in that she's gone and I'm hoping it doesn't because I worry for My health. My grandma has Alzheimer's and no longer remembers me. I really should go to therapy for both these things but I'm too scared. This was my first Christmas season alone and I felt awful. I got to see my parents but got sick and a four day trip lasted less than 12 hours. I met a girl in the fall, I've never felt the connection I feel to her before, but she's going across the country for further schooling in next fall and will be gone for two years and may not come back. I'm hoping for a better 2019, I'm running out of ductape and bailing wire for what's left of my mind and heart.