It’s probably triggering pertaining to pregnancy.

I just need to cry. I just got married to my husband we consummated our marriage. We’ve talked about pregnancy and kids before. We both want to be parents. We both wanted to wait longer til we had kids. But heat of the moment really got to us once we were married! It was a great moment.

But it was in the middle/toward the end of my fertile window and my period window. My periods are regular. I knew not much could come from it but just noticing how different my boobs felt and the physical noticable changes I started to really get my hopes up! And just have this weird emotional rollercoaster of “we’re not ready!” To “I’m so excited to be parents together!” Immediately after we got married and this started to occur, our family announced they’re pregnant with their first! After their first and only try! And so we had a glimmer of hope almost. But then it started feeling strange how close our pregnancies COULD BE. But that was short lived.. I started bleeding today.. I started bleeding today. I’m so distraught. We weren’t ready. But we were so excited at the possible thought. I’m psyching myself out. Implantation bleeding? No. Probably not. My cramps are too intense.. it’s not the same amount as my normal periods. But I’m just heartbroken. I’ve been praying a lot. I just want every SINGLE THING to go RIGHT for our family’s pregnancy.. I want NOTHING BUT THE ABSOLUTE BEST AND MOST PROTECTION FOR THEIR PREGNANCY, THEIR FAMILY, AND THEIR CHILD OR CHILDREN..!!

Because this pain, this almost grief over a we don’t even know if it was a pregnancy. It’s horrible. It’s awful. It’s nothing I would EVER wish on those trying to be parents. I sound psychotic. But the physical changes I see on my own body I’ve grown up with my entire life. Are not for nothing. I firmly believe I was at that start.. but I just PRAY.. NOTHING. happens. I just want a hug. A tight long hug. From God.