I don't belong. I don't belong in this house, in this town, with this family, I don't belong anywhere. Everyday I feel this sort of dysphoria about my place in this world. I don't want to get a job and contribute to society. I don't care how selfish or stupid that sounds. My ideal life genuinely would be a transit van appearing in my driveway tomorrow with gas all paid for and just enough money for food each month. I don't want to belong to one place or one job. Family means almost nothing to me because of childhood trauma and ongoing "horribleness" from my dad. I just want to leave and drive away and have no attachments. Everyday my ADHD sucks ass and everyday I'm taking more and more of my meds with no effect. I feel like I'm either wanting to find a dose that works or die and that doesn't scare me. I've been so fucked over and hurt in my life and there just isn't enough room to type it all out but I just don't belong in this life. I'm so tired.