After trying out multiple dating apps and getting collectively 2 likes, one of which someone paid to undo, I really am starting to slip into the depression I was in during lockdown. I only have 4 friends in town and 3 of them I haven't seen in months because they're so busy. I have social anxiety but still very much want to talk to people. doesn't help that I'm broke and have no car in an area where it's essential. I live with my mom and my brother alternates with my dad half of the time, but he doesn't really get it. my mom was the sole reason I got out of my 3 year lockdown bedrot because she's been through mental health stuff when she was younger but now the whole situation is taking a toll on her too so she can't really support me how she did before and I feel even more useless needing more help after she did so much for me and needs my help. I often don't want to be conscious. I'm a little bitch when it comes to pain so hurting myself is unheard of, so I just kinda sleep. I really think someday I'm gonna die without even holding a girl's hand, apparently I'm not a person people approach (20M 6'2 male dad bod) and I just want to cry and get a hug but obviously thats not gonna happen. I just don't know what to do. I can barely hold a job because I miss too many days and then have a panic attack over calling them to tell them. I grew up supposedly really smart but with 0 motivation I ended up dropping out of high school during lockdown so now I feel like I'm fucked even if I did make it past this. now I'm bawling my eyes out having written this because it's even sadder when I read it back