I know cat lovers will flame me. I dont care do it. I raised my cat since she was a kitten. I had never intended her to be indoor/ outdoor. But i lived on a bottom floor and a neighborhood dog tried to attack her, he failed but showed her screens were breakable. Since then it was impossible to keep her inside. Our neighborhood has strays and they would all hang out by our house to see her.

She was only 3 and the neighborhood cat. Everyone loved her and knew her. We had a routine, she would usually knock on my bedroom window at 2am to be let back in. 4am rolled around and she hadnt. I went to look for her. I found her a few yards from my house with her head caved in.

I didnt say anything, i ran back into my house to get a shovel and just started digging a grave for her. Its been a slow process, and i keep thinking about how she snuggled me earlier that day, and how heavy she was when i had to lift her off the pavement. I have a phobia of touching dead animals and it took everything in me to lift her because she deserved better than that.

A neighbor had a camera pointing the street. It showed her playing with another cat then getting run over by a honda that didnt stop. It was heartbreaking I couldnt watch all of it. The only comfort i had was seeing the cat she was playing with comfort her as she lay dying. So she wasnt alone.

I feel like i failed her. I lost a child. Everyone warned me about it, but she had so much fun being outside, i felt cruel confining her inside. I havent slept since this happened, and now im at the first day of classes trying to be some semblance of human.