I left home at 18 and went homeless due to abuse. I got a job and am safe now but I went insane and I still am trying to recover. I'm slowly losing it I don't know how to get better. I try to get help but it's hard I push myself to do something productive even if it's small. Baby steps yeah. I'm trying to find a job, but that is apparently the hardest thing to do in the world. Something just to add on to my stress.

I want to cry, I just can't fucking cry but I want to let it all out. I can get super choked up but I wish I could cry. I want to bawl my eyes out to feel some relief.

I also feel super lonely. I have no friends and fuck I can only play video games for so long. Sometimes I'm not in the mood and I don't know how I even feel. I can't explain how my childhood affected me cause I can't remember anything. I don't know what tf is going on what am I doing? I don't understand anything. I'm going crazy.

I'll figure it out even if I'm too depressed to do anything when money runs out it'll force me to be productive, it worked in the past. I don't even fucking know. I think I'm lonely, but idk I have ppl that I do talk to so what's this feeling. Maybe I need some sort of close friendship or deeper connection but wtf even is that. I never had that I don't know what that is, idk but it's my best guess. I don't even fucking know atp.