For context when my grandpa died about 10 years ago I was so inconsolable. I just layed in bed for days didn't move just cried, my dad recently had a stroke and he's was doing well until he had a seizure at the rehab facility and that was it he was gone, I cried profusely that first day and then it just kinda felt like a normal day the next I feel like a awful human being for not crying more I loved him he was the best dad ill ever have why do I feel like he's always been gone I just don't understand. Did I put my walls up to soon cause before when he was in the hospital, that was the worse case sanario that he would pass, even now I only feel a little sad talking about it it's just doesn't make sense