I (17F) need to talk about this. I’ve never said these words to anyone, but i just need to get this off my chest. I want to say though, if you are reading this, i in no way support groomers/rapist. They are the shittiest people alive and all deserve to burn, please do not get the idea i approve of any of this behavior.

I have been messaging older men since i turned 13. I honestly don’t remember how it started, i just remember having my messages flooded with older men, specifically those who wanted to role-play with me. I was a weird kid growing up, i was no stranger to role play but it was the innocent kind. Pretending you were cats or dragons on the playground, pretending to be my favorite character from a shows, etc. This was diffrent, this was sexual. Most of the men knew my age, and enjoyed it more because of that. I knew, even then, how dangerous this was. How harmful and fucked up it was, but i enjoyed the attention. I enjoyed guys wanting to talk to me, wanting to play the pretend games other kids at school would make fun of me for. They just, wanted to play them a bit differently. And who was i to judge.

Then, they started to get even darker, specifically with SA role plays. I started to seek out older guys who would do these extreme role plays with me, because in my mind i saw it as someone being so infatuated with me, they just had to have me. They would think that i’m so pretty, so amazing, that they just couldn’t control themself. I always felt so ashamed about this, and didn’t understand why i was feeling this way. I knew how bad it was, but it was just so comforting to stay. So i kept doing it. And now, now i’m 17. And i’m still talking to creepy men about how they want to rape me. I know it’s fucked up, i know how this makes me look. Just talking to these men and fulfilling their desires may just make it worse for the next girl they talk to. What if i’m the reason a guy decided to rape someone? The girl online they talked to liked it, so why wouldn’t everyone? I may be the reason a little girl is out there hurting, because i just couldn’t stop myself! And even so… i’m gonna message some guy tonight. And he’ll tell me all about how he wants to rape me. And i, i will feel better. I will feel wanted, i will feel seen. How fucked up am i…