I just need to out this out there because I’m losing my shit. Long post ahead.

I’m a 50 year old man. I’ve been married 20 years, have two children (19,16) and a job I’ve been at for close to 30 years. In a month it’s all going to change.

I have been having marital problems for a number of years and we decided about 6 months ago that at the end of our lease in May, we are going our separate ways. We are both still fine with one another, we just lost any love for the other person a long time ago. So after 20 years, that’s over. We had to sell our house two years ago and move into an apartment as well because of money issues. That was very difficult but it allowed us to pay off some debts. We still have many. We have been shit with money our whole lives and this is 100% on me. I have nothing - nothing - saved for later in life. And later in life isn’t all that much later. When we move out, one daughter is coming with me to a new apartment and the you going with her to her apartment. Not too far from each other and we will still be in contact a lot which is good but it will be a rough transition. Last week I found out that my job is being outsourced and I won’t have a new position. No severance or anything. Just a heads up. My IT skills are significant but seem to be outdated based on everything I’m seeing. I don’t do coding or understand database management very well. I guess in my mind I’ve just successfully ‘failed up’ for 30 years and earned a good living up til now. Where I live the cost of living is high (all over Florida for that matter). If I don’t find a job making what I’m currently making, I won’t even be able to afford the 2 bedroom apartment I just signed a lease for. So I’m trying to get lucky and find a Higher paying job knowing less than I Need to. What is more likely to happen is I’ll have to find two jobs. I don’t mind that but it’s just tougher to maintain at my age. I still financially want to take care of my family as much as possible. I also have two elderly parents that are beginning to have health issues and I’m not even close to prepared to take care of them. This week, I sold my only valuable asset - my Jeep - so that I could buy my 16 year old a car and myself a cheaper car. She has a job and needs to be able to get back and forth and when split up, that will be problematic. Well, two days after I sell my Jeep and buy myself something cheaper, my wife’s car breaks down and needs a new transmission. That will pretty much take any left over money I have. (Yes, I’m helping pay for that. We are still a family and this is not one of those situations where I say screw you, you’re on your own).

Basically - I feel like I’m just at the end of my rope. I have so many things still in my life to be thankful for and I’m trying to concentrate on those but it’s getting harder and harder. I am beginning to only see a bleak future and that is a difficult pill to swallow. And it’s completely my doing.

I’m not asking for sympathy or upvotes or anything. I simply need to out this out there. I have no support system other than my parents and I do not want to put them on them right now. They have enough to worry about. I just want to give up. It’s all I keep thinking. I’m just done.

Thanks for reading/listening. Feel free to say whatever you want. At this point nothing could make me feel worse.

Thanks for letting me vent.