I (36nb) have been in love my aromantic non monogamous best friend (34m) for five years. We’ve been FWB for longer than that. Couple weeks ago he admits we’re more than FWB but doesn’t know what we are. He called us lovers which he didn’t really know what that meant other than we’re sexual and it’s not casual. We talk a lot that week. He’s full of anxiety and can barely eat or sleep. I don’t know what to do for him. At the end of the week he FaceTimes me and tells me he loves me and wants me to be his partner. I ask some follow ups like is this real and is he sure and eventually I accept. He seemed genuinely happy and relaxed and glad with his decision.

The next morning I wake up and he hasn’t slept. Anxiety attacks all night. He ends up going to the hospital. He gets a shot and an IV and meds to take home. He’s going to make an appointment with a doctor and a therapist. Something about being in a relationship has triggered some kind of trauma. It’s a week wait for the doctor and more than a month for the therapist. He wasn’t expecting this but wants to work through it and wants to make us work.

Ten days later he isn’t getting better. He’s not sleeping or eating well. Having nightmares and panic attacks. He has to take a step back and work on whatever’s wrong with him.

I’m absolutely heartbroken. I’ve loved him so long and he finally returns my love just to take it away. I’m questioning if he ever loved me or ever really wanted to be with me. He says he still wants to be best friends, but he thinks we’ll have to build back up to the level of closeness we had. That he still wants to text and talk, but maybe not as much and maybe he won’t be as open about things as he used to be. I feel he’s pushing me away. He says that’s not his intent.

Needless to say this has triggered my own anxiety and trauma. Fears that I’ve been used, lied to, and ultimately abandoned. He said he never wanted to hurt me but the more we’ve talked the deeper the knife digs in.

He’s going to leave me. He’s the best friend I’ve ever had and been with me through so much and he’s just going to leave me now and I don’t know how to deal with that.