Honestly not even sure where to start. I'm just kind of gutted right now. It's not really either of our fault, things just weren't working between us. Things were normal until about a day ago when I talked to her about how I felt she was pulling away and shortly after I found out she's wanted out of our marriage for a while now. I don't blame her if she's not happy, but it was still kind of a punch to the gut even though I had a feeling. She went onto the balcony to talk on the phone and I accidentally overheard parts of it. I'm not sure the exact conversation but I heard laughing and talking about how I'm pathetic since I'm unemployed. I'm not happy to admit it but I grabbed a knife and walked and sat by a river nearby contemplating life. I'm fucking struggling, we've talked and neither of us want to make a stink out of anything, just split apart and take what was ours before, but in the mean time I don't even know how to act around her. Every part of me feels like it's screaming into the void and nobody is there. Started trying to make plans to stay with some of my siblings til I can get in my feet. I don't want to die, but I honestly don't know how to live anymore. I've been depressed basically as long as I can remember, but this is so much worse. I want to cry but I'm not able to for some reason. I want out of my head.