I used to love the competitive nature and fun spirit of ranked games, grinding to achieve the highest rank and all of its glory, I used to be a small streamer and Esports player for Apex, I only did it for two seasons and it completely ruined the game for me, so much so to the point where I feel anxious while playing and can’t feel any gratification even with a high kill high damage game. There was no sportsmanship what so ever, it was like we were cogs in a machine. I’d get excited and say “ F##K YEAH, I just clutched up” then my teammates and coaches would just say “ your doing your job it is what it is” After a while I started acting the same, me and my teammates would belittle eachother in hopes of making eachother better but we never really clicked again after we split, it was toxic and deplorable Practice would be basically like little boot camp. sessions no matter how good you did on whatever they asked of you it was never good enough, the money was cool but I’d rather be broke then ever play for them again. Now I can barely play apex now without the urge to trash talk my teammates to oblivion, not even in a rude way just small things like movement, callouts, and hitting shots become a demand not a request, and if you don’t put out your the bad guy.