Over the past 15yrs, I've had alot SIGNIFICANTLY CHANGE in my life. For being 28yrs old, I can say I've been through alot of stuff...things most people my age shouldn't have experienced. Hell, ive experienced situations only 1 out of every thousand people experience. Let's just say I come from a VERY DARK, emotionally and physically challenging past. Where even my counselor, had to seek professional help to help me(LITERALLY).

BUT, the past 10yrs, alot of positive things have happened to me to where I am starting to see a aggressive growth in my future and realizing capabilities I never thought I had. And it seems like the more and more I get aggressive at reaching my goals and sometimes overachieving...I find myself getting lonelier with a far less support system because I refused to limit my physical and emotional abilities.and lemme just say, it gets to me ALOT.

There's alot of nights I just stay up, stare into the ceiling in pitch black darkness, and wonder if the sacrifice for a better life, is better than being lonely and living in a world where VERY FEW PEOPLE even give 2 shits about you. Alot of nights, sometimes I go through random physical/emotional withdrawals where I wanna experience adrenaline and rushes again(not from drugs), with hopes I can start making SOME TYPE OF CONNECTION with people. Whether that connection and experience be a good or bad one.

The only person rn that remotely keeps me from going criminally insane right now, and CONSTANTLY encourages me and keeps me out of trouble...is my grandmother. And when she's gone, idk how my brain is going to react to certain situations when she's gone and won't have that support to be given in dealing with hard times. All my other family is dead, and whoever left is pretty much more looney and emotionally traumatizing than I am