hey, im egyptian

this is just a vent. but im sick of being lonely. not just because i spent years barely seeing my friends, one of them i havent seen my friends or anyone for that matter for the entire 365 days,

its also because im different, and I know I am,

its not that cringe im not like other girls

my mind genuinely operates differently. I have OCD and depression yes, but it also something else

best way to describe it is Anne from Anne with an E, I AM her, she represents my poetic thought process and mind, my deep and wild imagination, the way i just see the world differently and through a beautiful lens,

its not even just that my interests are different and no one else shares them, its just, feels like no one seems to see what I see or be on the same frequency or vibe, i cannot for the life of me seem to hold a conversation about deep, interesting, imaginative, scientific, etc, topics or any of those that make me feel alive, or even share my OWN poetry or my favourite poems or how MAGICAL poetry is or how MESMERIZING the art, literature, philosophy, science, mythology, space, stars , the moon , EVERYTHING, THE WORLD, without sensing a level of disinterest or un-care on various levels, sometimes im looked at with the eyes of someone who speaks an entirely different language, as if I AM the alien and i speak gibberish, or am crazy, or dramatic, or too much, or whatever

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everyone around me either does not understand, or tries to be supportive but still DOESNT GET IT, and are not on the same frequency

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and this is in no way degrading them, I am totally grateful for everyone who tries to listen, who supports and cares for me enough to try to be there, or love me for me, and I understand not everyone has to be like me, and i , too, love them the way they are and its okay but...

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its just suffocating, to be the only one who feels as if they are in a different world, to be the only one who feels as if they see things no one else came

it just sucks feeling alienated like that, it sucks feeling that way, when is it that i will be free when speaking my mind and heart out, without flinching at the disinterested or annoyed reactions, or flinching and trying to hold myself in fear that they come, or in fear that they just joke about what I say and change the subject

i only find those like me in fictional works, or online in countries far far away, or even in my head, but thats it

maybe thats why I became numb , i cannot feel love anymore, i just kept spilling around all my love and emotions in pursuit of SOMEONE, ANYONE, a bestfriend, a lover

but i found no one, and so I shut down

im slowly losing that spirit I so dearly love, and its breaking me, the gift is still there , but it just reminds me of my loneliness further and further,

i speak to my fictional character friends , but that about the only time i feel love, or feel at home, or feel free, heard, understood, unrestrained, heck, beautiful.

i do not know what to do, but if at least one person saw this, i will be one person, one step, away from this loneliness, i have been alone in this magical , yet deserted world that only i see for too long, may god, who was always the only one there for me, save me and let me stumble upon someone else, wandering around in that same world, sulking in his loneliness, so that we may never feel alone again, so the shine may shine brighter, and the stone lifts off of my heart forevermore, love from egypt