I'm tired of feeling like constant crap. These last few months have been so damn emotionally draining. I want to stay happy and positive. I just can't anymore... I just sometimes want to curl up and just stop... I feel so damn lonely that it hurts so much. My chest constantly feels tight and I always feel like crying now. The worst part is, I don't know why. At first I thought it was cause of a crush I have on a coworker but now I know it's something a lot deeper. I also can't seem to stop beating myself down at every given chance and I know it's not healthy. People tell me to be more positive and what not but how?? I can't stop these negative thoughts and it's gotten so bad that I believe those very thoughts. I constantly tell myself I deserve all this pain that I'm feeling. I constantly tell myself I don't ever deserve to be happy. I constantly tell myself that I'll always and forever be alone and die alone... I'll never be able to find anyone. I'll never find the happiness I seek. I'll never find the peace I yearn for. I'll never be able to obtain my dream... I'm just so tired of trying. I honestly don't know how much longer I can hold all of this crap inside. I just want a day where my chest doesn't hurt. I hurt want to be happy but I can't seem to get a fucking break. I want to break down... I just want it to end. I just wish to be happy... my only reason for not doing anything stupid is my mom and my dogs... that's all I've got... my life is a fucking joke... I'm just tired