I hate being born in Japan and I wish I never was Japanese. I'm an outcast, I'm useless and nobody cares about me but my little brother who ill most likely disappoint if he knew I had nothing going on with my life, I'm just a useless person on the street. Everybody thinks it's so great living here. They watch vods from overseas YouTubers and think it's so great. They see all these shops, they go to popular tourist locations like akihabara, only talking to tokyoites in Tokyo getting their options on things which usually is bullshit. Let me tell you, it's not great living here.

You really think the average Japanese is going to those shops everyday? Going to those restaurants? Getting those nice hotels? Buying electronics? No. Unless you're wealthy. Most people are sleeping in internet cafes, going to seven eleven to get cheap bento meals and curry on sale and struggling to stay afloat. All these foreigners always talk about how Japanese people are so nice. We're not, we're nice to your face and as soon as you leave we'll talk behind your back. Ive heard and I seen it. Japanese people humans just like everybody else, we're all selfish and don't care about anybody but ourselves. Japanese people lie, we lie A LOT and are massive hypocrites.

My father called me useless yesterday because I was sleeping in. I heard him as I was in bed, probably thinking I was still sleep. Said I'm good for nothing and don't contribute anything when I heard him through the walls talking to my mother. He's thinks I'm nothing because I didn't go to university like he wanted. He thinks me working at a cosplay cafe is nothing. Everytime he looks at me I just see disappointment and disgust on his face, doesn't even say good morning when he walks past me. I just simply don't exist to him anymore. He doesn't love me anymore, he hates me. My mother sometimes even forgets to save me food and just cooks for her, my little brother and father. Only way she remembers is if I actually go downstairs so she remembers I exist. My little brother is the only one that saves food for me because he purposely doesn't finish it all to give it to me.

He looks up to me and I'm a terrible role model. My parents are focusing on him and pretending I don't exist so he doesn't end up useless to society like me. I feel my only path is prostitution to make income. I don't think I have the skills to do anything else. I've already been accused of being a toyoko kid and people thinking I give services and offering to give me drugs and a place to stay and work as a hostess when I was visiting my grandparents.

I've failed in japanese society there is no up path for me, only down and sell myself when my parents eventually kick me out which I'm expecting soon as I turn 20 in a couple of weeks. There is no help for me. I'm left to the streets soon.