I feel ever since I lost my girlfriend of 2 years I have been having trouble people wanting me as their lover. I keep falling in love with people that just want me for sex and nothing more. I sent a blunt text to someone I have been seeing, she's way older than me but I didn't care. I told her I wish to be couple and be more than just sex partners. I've been up all night waiting for a reply and unable to sleep because I was feeling anxious because I knew it could go two ways.

She finally texted me back at 5am and told me we shouldn't meet anymore basically and it just shattered my heart because she just tossed me aside as trash. Didn't even bother to explain her decision. She really saw me as nothing, just someone to use. I let her do anything to me because I thought if I obeyed and was submissive she would come to love me. I spent money to buy lingerie and I only make minimum wage. I even let her penetrate me with a strap on. I let a women that didn't even love me do this. I feel worthless.

I just came to the realization nobody wants me. Everybody I meet doesn't want anything more. I let them use me for nothing. The person I thought I might have something more with doesn't want me, my best friend I thought she wanted me but decided to pick her boyfriend over me and the women I met a certain location didnt want more than a one night stand.

I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Maybe I'm ugly, not short enough, not submissive enough, not skinny enough. I'm too much of an otaku. I don't know, the only people seem interested in me are people overseas.

I couldn't help but look at my ex girlfriend twitter to see how she was doing after I told myself to never look at her activity and she's posting pictures with other girls. I don't know if they're her girlfriend or people she's having a fling with hit it made me extremely jealous, it took a lot in me not use my other account to trash them. I know that's pathetic and petty... But I'm a pathetic trash person anyway. But I just hate how she's moving on so easily makes me feel like I'm nothing. I should die.

I feel the world is telling me to just to date men because women sure don't want me. Sometimes I think it's better this way anyway since I never told my family about my sexuality. Men usually give me attention and they're usually very nice to me, especially this one I know from this online game I play.

I got approached by a scout yesterday when I was out of town. Offered me a job for quick money. It was a pink salon. I feel like trash and nobody wants me anyway so maybe I should just take that offer anyway.

I did average in school and I didn't go to university. I'm a failure at life and a disappointment to my family as I can already see it their faces everytime I come home from my shift.