I’m tired of feeling lonely and ugly and weird. I’ve felt like this for as long as I can remember. And there are times when I feel good or okay about myself because I’ve been working on it, but when it comes down to it I feel like an outsider. I feel like if I died, some people around me would be sad sure but they’d get over it fine enough. I have friends technically but I haven’t talked with them in months cause they are in college and have other friends or boyfriends. Which sucks because in the past when I’d feel lonely I’d think “at least I have my friends”. Now I feel like they barely even care.

I’ve never been in a relationship before and it is very hard to imagine myself in one. I have lots of anxiety and undiagnosed autism so it’s hard for me to interact with people. I’m talking to this guy right now but I feel like such a weirdo sometimes. I have had issues about my looks in the past but they have gotten better but when I get down I think I’ll never find someone. If someone for some reason thinks I’m attractive, then once they hang out with me I feel like they will think I’m weird. So I just feel like no one will ever accept me or want to be with me. With this guy it’s actually my best dating experience ever (not that that’s saying much 😬) but I still feel like one day he’s just gonna ghost me or say he’s not feeling it. And really I just want to feel liked and appreciated and wanted for once in my life.

I just really want to stop feeling this way. I’m tired of crying at night, feeling pathetic and searching for support and comfort when I don’t have anyone to rely on.