I’m horribly depressed. I have nothing and no one to turn to about it that can actually help. I’ve been this way for a good chunk of my life. You’d think I’d be used to it by now. I’m tired of acting like I’m okay, tired of going through the motions and acting like it isn’t slowly carving away at what’s left of me inside. I want to be here for my friends and family but I’m so disconnected from life that it makes my presence scarce to nonexistent. If I can’t be there for myself how am I supposed to be there for the loved ones in my life? It’s just hard man. I wish I was a stable person. For some reason I was born the way I was and destined to live like this. For what purpose? What does me being a walking disaster achieve besides annoying and driving away people I care about? I want answers, I need solutions, I need this resolved and over with. Yet I know they’ll never come. Or they’ll come too late. I don’t feel like bothering anyone else with these feelings so I’m letting some of it out here. That’s another thing, I’m sure this whole depression deal gets old to some people. It’s definitely stale to me. I feel like people are too afraid to tell me they don’t like or care for me because they think it’ll send me off the deep end. They’re not entirely wrong. I would definitely break down but I wouldn’t do anything beyond that. When it comes down to it I’m a waste of atoms at the end of the day. No amount of therapy or medication can/will change my outlook.