So I’ve pretty much always felt super lonely, those feelings have been there for a long time since I’ve never had a real girlfriend and I’m a really physically affectionate person so I’m always craving hugs and cuddles and stuff. I went to one of them cuddle buddy websites where you can pay someone come over and cuddle with you. It’s a lot less creepy than it sounds. Anyway, last Saturday I finally decided I was gonna do it and pay for a cuddle session. I found this beautiful girl in Chicago and I paid for a cuddle session with her, then drove my ass 2 and a half hours to Chicago. I reserved a hotel room too. When I saw her in person I thought she was the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen in my life. I genuinely dropped my jaw and couldn’t even get a word out to her. Just smiled and waved. She was already pretty in her pictures, but she was SO beautiful seeing her in person.

We sat in bed and she kept saying how handsome, hot, and sexy I was, and couldn’t believe I never had a girlfriend (I haven’t). She said her usual clients were either old, ugly, creepy, or a combination of the three, but she said she felt so comfortable around me (she’s only 3 years older than me). We talked about everything like life, our goals, jobs, favorite foods and movies, then we started talking about sex. Found out she was also a stripper on the side to make money to go to nursing school. Then after about an hour and a half of just sitting there cuddling she gets on top of me, then says she loves the way I rub her back, then asked me if I was an ass or tits guy. I told her I love both, then she said she loves having her tits rubbed. I slowly moved my hands up and started massaging them and I said “Like this?” And she said we shouldn’t be doing this because she doesn’t ever get sexual with her cuddle clients. I asked her if she wanted me to stop, then she looked me in the eyes and smiled and shook her head no. Ended up sucking her tits and she rubbed my dick against her pussy, but we didn’t fuck. We just humped each other and she kept rubbing my dick back and forth against her pussy. Afterward we went to chipotle and I paid for her food. We talked for a while after that and held hands. She said I was the sweetest, most attractive client she’s had, and she said she’s never gotten sexual with her cuddle clients ever, but said she felt something different with me, and she would “totally date me.” We exchanged numbers and instagram too.

This was last Saturday. I haven’t stopped thinking about her since. She’s genuinely the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met and even though we were only together for about 2 and a half hours, it just felt right. She said she really enjoyed my company and I really enjoyed hers too. I really want her to be my girlfriend and treat her like the queen that she is, but I know it’ll never work. I texted her a few days ago asking if I could see her again and take her out on a real date, but she said I’d have to pay again for a date. Kinda broke my heart because I really feel like she’s special. I thought she would think of me as a potential boyfriend, because I got those vibes from her. We weren’t reserved around each other at all, we were very comfortable and I felt such a good vibe being together with her. I’ve never felt this way about any girl. I normally don’t think I’d want to ever do a long distance relationship (I live in the Washington DC area), but I feel like I would for her. Just thinking about her all the time and how amazing it was to spend time with her.

Sorry guys for my long ass rant. I just needed all of this out somewhere. Every night when I’m trying to sleep I close my eyes and see her. When I’m eating, I think about her. All I can think about is her. I want to give her the world but it seems like she still just sees me as a client. Guess I have to move on and deal with it :/