I have been single now for the past months and I can’t stop thinking about my ex, thinking of all the things I have done wrong. Such as being too clingy being too codependent not working better with my depression and ADHD, and having lack of motivation to improve myself for a while I did try but it gets hard.

If I have too many things going on, I shut down sometimes and I think my ex got sick of it especially I shut down for almost 4 months of it. I also complain too much about feeling ignored and not feeling sexy enough for them and I would try to communicate, but I guess they felt like I was just complaining too much and never satisfied with them and I wonder if I really was like that.

If so, I am very sorry to my ex. I’m sorry to my ex that their friends became my mutual friends, even though they didn’t pick sides when things were going bad between me and my ex I vented because I couldn’t vent to my ex they would ignore me even ghosted me once, and with depression I was afraid to hurt myself badly over this, so I need to talk to someone.

I feel bad that I didn’t talk to my closer friends that I known since high school to tell them everything that had been going on with me because I was afraid they would hate my ex so after the break up, I decided to tell them the truth of everything that happened to me just a Events not really talking horrible things about my ex just things that happened between me and my ex and I was right they hated my ex a lot After hearing what I had to say, and just from their experience, seeing how my ex treated me and mutual friends who have their own experience with my ex and also hurt, my experience were mad at my ex too. The mutual friends did try to reach out to my ex to hear their side of the story, but my ex refuses to comment on anything.

My ex made a YouTube video talking about their feelings and blaming everyone, but taking no accountability for themselves. I messed up for venting to people or telling people what happened to me, but if I hadn’t said anything to someone, I feel like I would’ve really harmed by self and I don’t think my ex would’ve cared to be honest now that a month has passed, I see that I never really matter to them. It hurts to realize that I didn’t matter to them when I supported them through everything.

Even though everything has happened, I still miss them and wonder why I wasn’t enough when everyone tells me I’m a nice person and that I was genuine with them . So it makes me wonder if my ex ever thought I was a nice and genuine person to them because their actions of the way they talk about me or told me how they felt about me feels like it was all my fault that we ended.

I still care about them, but they unfriended me everywhere, even though they said that they still wanted to be friends with me and it hurt because we only broke up a month ago and I thought they cared about me enough to not do that to me. I understand that , we have to take time apart from each other but when they unfriended me on everything I felt lied to, and thought that was pretty cowardly of them to do without just saying the truth to my face.

I feel so stupid that I wish I could go back in time in fix my mistakes, but my friends told me that even if I could go back in time there were things in the relationship that we’re totally out of my control and nothing I could do would have changed my exes personality. But I feel like if I had complained less, didn’t vent to anyone, and try to be more motivated. Maybe my ex would still love me if they ever loved me at all…

Sorry for the long that I’m just having such a difficult time moving on when I dearly loved a person. I poured everything of me onto them, and I guess if you love someone too hard or too much, it ends up becoming smothering to them. For now, I’ll stay single and work on myself but if I ever get in another relationship in the future, I guess I have to learn how to hold back, be less clingy, and not be 100% supportive that it affects my own life. I’ll still be a supportive person of course, but I feel so drained and unappreciated. My heart just hurts.