I left the title vague for the sake of this not randomly getting her attention should this show up for her...

With a bit of context, I (male) told my wife when we started dating that I did battle with depression. I know that a lot of women for a long time in society were attracted to confident men and not men who put themselves down or show weakness or cry etc... 

We’ve been married almost three years now and for the last few years, I’ve been really feeling unwanted. I’ve felt like she wasn’t attracted to me and I knew it was difficult to turn her on if ever. 

I thought it was safe to show my vulnerability, and to be open about my mental health struggles. We’ve both been going to therapy lately and it’s definitely opened up some more wounds and brought out some truths. 

Lately, it’s been hard to trust her because last year she lied to me about some important stuff and it hurt and it turns out I was right about the way I felt...

She told me yesterday that when I show weakness, put myself down, cry or be vulnerable that she becomes less and less attracted to me. To be fair she felt horrible about it and horrible about lying to me when I asked her many times if she was unattracted to me. 

**This hurt…a lot…** I want to shut down but I’m fighting any negative thoughts and just sucking it up so I can be there for her as she needs me and for the kids. I feel like I don’t have time to process this...

As she told me I just quietly let her talk and listened. I was essentially holding in what felt like an oncoming panic attack. My wife is someone I desire not only sexually but also the person I want to do life with. I want her often, but I also make sure her needs are met, whether it’s as a husband, father, friend, or in bed. 

It hurts. It hurts because all I could do the entire time was fight off tears that wanted to explode out of me. It hurt that I felt like I couldn’t be open to the person I love and married. It hurt that who I was inadvertently caused this to happen. Of course, I want to blame it on myself but she said it’s how she grew up and it’s how she was taught and she’s trying to overcome that. But I can’t help that the years we’ve been married I knew it all along and felt at times I couldn’t just tell her how I felt without it biting me in the ass. 

Anyway, I’m continuing therapy but I’m actually afraid to talk about this to anyone because I feel like I just have to suck it up and be a “man. “

TLDR My wife isn't attracted to me because I show weakness and vulnerability.