My gf and I have been together over 4 years and I was planning to propose her sometime this year. She has an avoidant personality style and I’m anxious attached. We have been living in different cities for about a year now and haven’t really had issues like this before.

Both of us are going through a lot of big changes, both work wise and personal life wise and haven’t been able to communicate well with each other.

My girlfriend over that past couple of weeks has gotten super close to a coworker of hers. She went to drink one weekend with him and when she called me back after coming home she was super tipsy and vomiting and all the shit. Since then, she has been acting super withdrawn from me emotionally. I know she has an avoidant personality and hence avoids when things get serious.

But when I spoke to her about this later, she said she feels like I’m suffocating her and she hasn’t been able to truly enjoy her single life because of me. She’s done thinking about what others think of her and she’s going to live her life. She tried to gaslight me saying that I’ve been jealous of how she’s having fun.

We used to talk frequently via video call and now she barely calls. Today was the worst. She left work and told me she’s going to have dinner after work. I didn’t ask her who but secretly knew it was that guy. Later when I asked her she told me it was 4-5 people from work. She was gone the entire evening and then after digging and asking, she said I got home and slept off. I was a little tipsy and high. She said we had edibles.

Now I know she told me the other guy does weed and she wanted to do it with him.

All this mess is making me super insecure and I feel like she’s self sabotaging our relationship. These were the exact circumstances that we got together. She had broken up with her long distance boyfriend as he was controlling and ended up having feelings for me and confessed when we were both baked.

This is how we both got together and I’m pretty sure this is how my last 4 years are going to go down the drain.

Thanks for listening