When I made my last post, I was feeling so terrible and lost, and felt like I had nowhere to go. Sure, I felt pretty lonely at the time, but at the time I'd let my thoughts get empty, leading to some intrusive ones invading me, causing me to feel depressed for like a week. I don't think I've fully recovered from that just yet, but I know I'm feeling happier now.

I had no motivation to do anything, but as soon as I did it helped a ton by doing some stuff I'm interested in, like gaming. By filling my thoughts with stuff like gaming, my intrusive thoughts started to disappear. Not fully of course, but enough for me to feel better! I'm sure venting my thoughts and how I was feeling at the time helped too.

Do I still feel like I'll be single or won't go on a date? Maybe. But I know that if I attempt to work on myself, that'll change. I might think I look bad even if people say I look cute and all, but looks aren't the only thing that matters right? I'm sure if I focus more on myself and less on my negative emotions, things can only go uphill.

Maybe even at some point I'll try and ask a friend out on a date. Haha, I doubt I will. But it's nice to think of having the confidence to do so, even if a part of me keeps trying to make me feel depressed or lonely when there's a ton of people around me. Maybe it's confidence or self-esteem that I need more of? I guess I've gotta figure out how to get more of those good feelings, and less of the bad ones. Way, way less of the bad feelings.

Although I admit that I might be about to fall into that depression again sometime soon. And that scares me so much, as I don't want to isolate myself or keep myself away from my friends and family, and that seems to happen when I'm down, leading me to feel worse and worse until I somehow get out of it.

Who knows, maybe I'll book an appointment and speak to a professional about it? At least that way I can get the help I need. But taking that first step for help feels like the hardest...