I feel like Ive made a good choice related to my future recently but, this choice has brought me far way from my family and friends. I love that I’m seeing new places making new friends I feel free and I have never have so much fun traveling with new found friends. I also feel alone, I feel like I betrayed my parents just to have fun I haven’t seen them in months. I talk to them all the time and they seem happy with my choice to improve myself but feel like I can’t be there for them to help them after they done so much for me. Another reason I feel alone is because I can’t find a girl to just hang out with. I don’t think I can commit to some one right now but I can’t even mange to get laid. I’m 19 surrounded by people who all have lost their v-cards and seem to have no problem finding partners. I’m a virgin even though I have had sexual experiences I’ve just never have gotten around to putting it in. I’ve started to post on reddits where people are looking for people just as horny as them. I also message people posting on these reddits looking for sexual encounters. I even tried just asking asking for cuddling for a while because honestly just laying in bed hugging a girl would make me feel better. Ive tried normal dating but, I don’t know what it is that do that’s wrong but I’m obviously doing something wrong. I don’t think I’m ugly, I’ve lost lots of weight so my confidence has shot up. I take care of my self by eating right, exercising, and I stay well groomed. I have been complemented on multiple occasions that I smell very good, and I’m kinda proud of that. As for how I act I try my best to not be an piece of shit and if do something considered rude I apologize when I recognize what I said or did was wrong. I know i am not the smoothest but I’m also not that awkward I can hold a conversation.