Honestly like the title says i just have been having a lot of let's call them intrusive thoughts lately. But unlike normal where I have a big cry and emotional breakdown and there like a temper tantrum. These are more resolute and strong almost confident, like it should happen not just i could do it. And honestly idk how to feel I dont actively wanna listen but I guess in a way I feel like im at a point in my life I could. I am struggling to find purpose with my life struggling to find a job for almost 4 months now and just and overall feeling of being defeated and disgusted by life. I feel like I need to pull back from my friends to protect them. Ive also been diagnosed recently with BPD and it just is making everything worse in terms of how I feel about life and long term things. With my 25th bday coming up this next week I almost wanna not make it I know a few people would miss me if they ever even got the news officially id probably be buried and gone before any of my friends actually knew. I feel like I've lost my purpose and apologize for any who reads this rambling.