I think this is the right tag, but if it isn't, please tell me so I can edit it straight away, thank you and sorry for the inconvenience.

I had known this person for a bit over 8 years, they'd always seemed just like an angry kid going down the wrong path but even with friends who cared about them, online and offline. I dated them on and off and after like early February of last year, I proposed, I was 17 and they were 19 at the time.

Things felt right for a while, we planned the wedding and it had all fallen apart. Their job was suddenly too important to take a vacation or anything, I understood why that could have been back then but I had ignored it, just trying to be understandingof their situation. A lot of traumatic stuff had happened between dating them and my counselor making me never want to go back to my local psychiatric help place in my town.

After my counselor had made me answer with stuff I never wanted to answer with, I had fallen into a pretty bad depression pit for I think about a month? I honestly don't remember much about back then when I had slipped into such a bad rut. I had talked to them for that month non-stop, we had talked about everyday for those 8 years or at least tried too. My sleep pattern was shit, I always woke up at night and it was literally hell, especially with constant paranoia and such coming into play. They were helpful at times, helping me acknowledge the worst things that had happened to me, but they just seemed to get worse as December came around.

I had finally had enough at the 2nd of December. I had to cut them off, it was painful as hell but I had to do it, for my sake and wellbeing. I knew it, deep down that I had too. They were still my fiancé and best friend at the time before we had broken out into another argument. It was them always complaining how I never meet their needs but I had been, I was trying my hardest too. They seemed to hate the acknowledgment that I had flipped the script on them when I told them my needs. If they hadn't changed, I was leaving for good. They didn't budge on the subject but then proceeded to, as a 20 yr old, to try gaslighting me into staying with them so they didn't have to talk to their supposedly "toxic other friend" which I won't go into because idk the full severity of who they really are and whatever. I knew I had to get out of this. It was difficult and it was building up for about 2-3 months at this point.

I freed myself from them that night.

I couldn't even recall what all that had happened even if I had too because I think I mega suppressed this shit. I was tired of being miserable because of them. They still haunt me, mainly through arguments we use to have on the phone and that scream through my brain at the late hours of the night. I still have nightmares and even a few night terrors occasionally specifically about them. I still have a part of me that misses them, but I now know that I'm free. I have been and I am getting better luckily. I'm happier with myself even though I still occasionally get into tiny potholes of despair and depression.

If you're them, you know who you are, you know what kind of sick mind games and all of that junk you put me through. I'm better without you, I'm the happiest I've been in a long while.

All I had wished you'd have done over those 8 years was change, but you're always going to be that stubborn angry kid I once and will always know you as.

I'm just glad this is all over and that you can't hurt me anymore.