This series explores the basic topics of the lifestyle and answers your questions based on the subject matter in the post.

Life is confusing enough for both parents and kids. Just about the time you think that you have mastered this parenting thing, they have left for college. I bring this up because while I made sure to talk about the birds and the bees are regular age appropriate points in their lives, I also made it clear that Mom and Dad's Sex lives, and someday their sex lives were private and not to be share. I have to bring this up because part of this topic is balance "the Lifestyle" with the "family life".

No Trace Left Behind

We made certain that we let no trace of our sex lives. We never accidently left a dildo on a night stand. Ok there were a few times that the kids banged on the ceiling with a broom handle to show their displeasure with the noise (or to make fun of it), that was embracing.

We found as got involved with the lifestyle that our sex life grew, but also relocated. We were having less sex at home and more sex just about everywhere else we could think of. We realized early on that we had to strike a balance as parents.

So our way was very simple.

Friday Evening - Kid's Night

We didn't go to lifestyle events during the week. We mostly went only on Saturday evening. We made Friday Evening kids night, so we did things with the kids, played games, watched movies, went out to eat or went out for an evening activity. We did this every Friday evening.

Saturday Evening - Mom & Dad's Date Night

Every Saturday Night was Mom and Dad's date night. And those were the nights that we went to the local lifestyle clubs which when our kids was younger was a club in Dallas called The 13th Floor. We had a delightful babysitter who could spend the night so we would drop her off on the way to Church, or on occasion she came to Church with us. AND no - you in the back row, I see you, no we did not touch or even think of touching the babysitter - so get your mind out of the gutter.

Vacations with the Lifestyle

We took several vacations each year with the kiddos. We planned ahead. We kept our same structure, Friday on Vacation was kids time. Saturday Evening were Mom & Dad's time to explore on their own. And explore we did. Since kids explore suitcases for all kinds of reasons, we kept any play clothes in a locking suit case, that we left in the trunk if we could. Told the kids it was a roadside assistance kit, not a total lie really, in a way it was.

Coming & Going in Naughty Clothes

Unless it was a theme like a Toga Party, my husband tended to wear the same thing, a pair of Dockers, A nice Oxford Shirt, and sometimes a jacket. As with most lifestyle party wives, I was the designated slut costumed hussy. And while the kids were growing up I was insanely careful about not letting the kids see me in a mostly not there outfit. Not ever! So I often changed in the car, or changed when we got to the party, or season permitting I wore my long coat, ok sometimes I wore the long coat during hot July summers in Dallas. Bottom line, I wasn't going to let the kids see me in a schoolgirl outfit or whatever micro dress I had thrown on. I could write a book on outfits that I accessorized to look vanilla when you walked out the door; a few additions, deletions, and alterations and suddenly you magically change a vanilla outfit into a naughty outfit. And it's kids, the outfit didn't need to make sense. There were many times that I left in a micro-dress, covering the bottom with jeans or wearing a pair of yoga or sweat pants. You really score with your oldest says, "Mom, are you really going to wear that in public", and what you had on was a sweatshirt and sweatpants on over some bright colored early-American slut-wear outfit.

Coming Home

So usually the kids and the babysitter as asleep when you come dragging in at 4:00 AM. But you cannot always count on it. I had several tricks, I could change back into my vanilla clothes, re-hide all of the naughty parts of my look, or the "Garage Robe". I kept, on its own hook, a nice warm robe. And if I got busted, I would simply say, "this is because of your Dad's driving; I spilled a Coke on my clothes." - that used to pacify the curious and they would troddle back to bed.

Sunday Morning

Church was always rough, we always went to the late service. We always took showers when we got home from our night out, so we could go from alarm to kids up to Church clothes to the SUV making it just in time for the late service.

When They Catch On

I try to be honest with the kids, even avoid most little white lies, (the robe story not withstanding). So you need to think up age appropriate answers to the occasionally inappropriate question. Sometimes the answer is that this is part of how Mom and Dad express love to each other, and it is private between us. You have to have age appropriate answers ready. At one point we had kids in grade school, middle school and high school. Thanks to HBO, they had varying level of knowledge, assumptions, and suspicions concerning Mom and Dad and sex in general.

Got Rid of the Kids for the Evening - Let's Throw A Party!

Nope - did that, several times with success, but then there was that one time that the oldest boy, a senior in High School decided to come home. Disaster. All you can do is escort him to his room, tell him you will discuss it tomorrow. And go back to the party and tell your husband that he had best think up something quick, because there was going to be a new chapter tomorrow in the birds and the bees drama. We were also worried that at 19, he was upstairs thinking his parents were freaks. When he graduated he became an Army Ranger. We hope the decision was not related.

Away from Home to Play

This is actually the best. And when the kiddos got older and the oldest could watch the youngest for a weekend, we would leave for the weekend. The trade-off was weekend for weekend. We would have a Mom and Dad Weekend away. We would have a Kids Weekend away.

Final Thoughts

People may disagree, but talking to your kids about the lifestyle is not part of the standard birds and bees script. If it is in the cards for their future, that they get into the lifestyle, then they will discover it on their own. When it comes to your kids, and especially if they are young kids, you have the responsibility to not expose the lifestyle to them. Are you going to slip up? Yes most likely, so while you are driving to the party, think about what your next set of pop-up age appropriate answers might be. And always be careful of butt calls otherwise your next pop-up slip-up excuse will be, we were nature watching at the zoo which had a midnight chance to see the animals. You know how much your Dad loves animals!

So what are your thoughts? Tricks of the trade?

Kisses, TMW