This series explores the basic topics of the lifestyle and answers your questions based on the subject matter in the post.

First, you should never attend a party, house party, or meet up with another couple where the expectation is that you must be naked or you must "play". Never let anyone push you beyond your comfort zone. Not ever!

So you are at your first lifestyle party, you are dancing with a couple, chatting, and hitting it off nicely. So what's next? It's not what you think, it's not the "wanna go play?" question. It's the Swap Zone question.

What I/we do is question #1. Question #1, (memorize it), "Do you swap at these parties? (if yes) Are you soft or full swap?" Simple question and immediately sets the tone for whatever may come next. I am very experienced in the lifestyle and in the course of getting to know someone, I always ask this question, even if I don't plan to play that evening. And I file it away in my little blond brain for near-term or future reference.

If you look at most swinger profiles (see post on Adult Lifestyle Dating Sites), most sites will include in a profile, the "Play Preference". In some cases it can get complicated. For example; it might let you choose different levels of swap based on gender and swap choices may differ between him and her.

Swapping is defined in the lifestyle as sexual or sexualized contact. This can be anything ranging from kissing to intercourse, all things in between, and a few things you might not want to admit you did the next morning.

The easy definition is No Swap. You will find there are many people in the lifestyle who are No Swap couples. They are there to watch or be watched and only have sex with each other. They may be open to a kiss now and then, a little making out in a social area, perhaps some fondling on the dance floor, but that is their limit, their comfort zone.

This is a good point to note, to avoid confusion, people getting pissed off at you, or getting banned from a club or party, always ask before you touch, "is it ok if I touch your breasts?" While your dancing, "can I touch that incredibly awesome ass?"

So No Swap means no touchy.

Soft Swap is a confusing term, because it means something different to many couple. So always ask what their boundaries are as a follow-up question. But for most couples it is often a boundary where touching and oral are allowed, intercourse is not on the menu. I know a couple who are Soft Swap, but anal is ok (there are couples who think intercourse is a sin, but the backdoor is not). Sometimes it may vary between the genders. For example, a profile may state that guy/girl is full swap, but girl/girl is soft swap. Soft Swap can be very fun. There is a couple we play with who clearly got graduate degree PhDs, in oral sex. We play with them every chance we get and I am in heaven because they both have tongues made of angel wings covered in cold, and chocolate sprinkles.

Full Swap assumes that intercourse is on the menu (though I have met a few anal only couples who label themselves full swap). But it is also important to find out what that boundary may be as well. I have met couples who will not do oral but will do intercourse. I have met couples who do not want to swap in the same room, and I have met couples who will only swap in the same room.

Now I used the word Couples all through this to make it simpler, but all of this is true for singles as well. I know a lovely gal who won't have intercourse, but loves giving head.

Summary, know your Swap Zone. What is yours? Is it No Swap, Soft Swap, or Full Swap and what other rules that you may need to communicate. Conversely ask anyone you are interested in as to what their swap zone may be. And understand that for the ladies, it might be that time when Soft Swap is all they are comfortable with that week. Be upfront before you head off to the playroom for some deviously sexy fun. Make sure to read about on-premise and off-premise parties because an off-premise party is a often a no swap party.