Younger version of me, date that girl no matter what mom says. Your future version which is us or me right now is fucked up in the head. We are so lonely. So so so so so lonely. Yes we have family around but we feel like we are on an island by ourselves looking around. Or a glass view looking out instead of being outside. We are trapped in a sense of a mental prison and your the guard and the prisoner. You feel so chained and trapped by tears and years of self abuse (hating oneself and mentally bashing oneself.) and neglect. All the now you can't remember but pieces of your younger self. You are so confused and stuck so so stuck. Your so stuck in the same place as you was when you was young. 14 years of hurting will hurt your mental. Help yourself by loving someone. Accept your feelings of worthlessness and shame and no identity.