The conversation I'd hoped to have with you and my hopes and intentions were never to for lack of a better phrase, "One up" or Out do you. I always did and in the end still wanted to help or be helpful to you, even though most anyone would want to do the opposite knowing what I did, knowing what you had been doing and for how long I let it go on. My hope was that you'd look at your behavior and maybe think, "Considering who I'm hurting is this a good look?" Maybe Shame or IDK could bring you back to Earth.

I wanted you to be free. To be free to just feel OK, without needing anything outside of yourself to achieve that. And and endless number of other things for yourself. Without an outside Person, substance etc. I know your mental health isn't the pretty, well put together picture you may paint it to be and I can understand why you choose to portray the opposite.

Know, I didn't care if it were with or without me. I just wanted you to have that. Choice was taken from you a long time ago in a sense, so was any fault of your own of feeling this way because of it.

-I hope the garden every spring and summer reminds you of how much I really cared 🌸