I should be more careful when it cones to you.   I should walk on egg shells right ?  Worried that you might make up some thing to be upset about.  Because you do. You flat out for what ever reason have played this game with so many and with me so many times.  It's the same tired ass spoiled dope using little girls game you play all the time.  I once thought you were real and that is now past. I don't think you are real or you have split your personalities completely and are  just playing a game... traveling .. using person after person so you never have to actually adult. I disliked this fact about you so much because it rivals the good I see in you. I disliked it to the point I made alternate realities as to what was really going on. Each one a justification of why you could stomach yourself after the actions you had taken around that time.  I made excuses for you so in depth and so detailed that I even got lost in them from time to time.  Loving you has taken everything I cared about away. Loving you has also been the hardest thing I've ever done. The love I have is unconditional real and will remain. It's far more real then you ever were to me it seems.  That being said ,  I truly hope you stay away. I seem to believe in Your words far too easily and forget your actions just as easily. I forgive you for being you... a selfish hurt person  stuck on a drug induced loop of creating situations where you are the victime so you can be saved by your next victim... the last one is supposed to warn the next one... silly E didn't warn me and we had a child and now H pays the ultimate cost by loosing us both. 

All so you can: keep in your loop. Keep getting high.. Keep needing a rescue... Keep being the victim.... Keep hurting everyone.....

It's terrible really it is. So while I'd be stupid enough to try again distance has helped keep that an impossibility. Enjoy the money , I hope what ever it was spent on did make you smile. I'm sure I'll send more time to time .
But do me a favor.

Until you can be sober. Until you can be real.. Until you can be honest... Until you can tell me a personal story where you are the bad guy....not the victim.....

stay the fuck away.

You don't deserve the love or forgiveness you get each time you come back. And before you lash out spewing that same finger pointing venom. No I'm not perfect. I've not said I was ever. I don't need to hide behind a story where Im The victim. I'm not gonna say I haven't fucked up. I made tons of mistakes and I'm sorry for them. Every day I'm sorry for them. No matter how you wanna twist it. I admit being less than what I should have been. But I admit it. Your inability to see how anyone else feels or care about them should you actually see yourself makes it impossible to build anything solid with you around. I can't work with that.. no one can. No one has been able to thus far and no one ever will Until you decide to stop the loop.

Fuck it I'd rather spend my money on kites and our son.
Yet I still miss you. Every moment of every day You fucking jerk.