I am forgetting what your voice sounded like, the mannerisms in your voice, what you felt like sitting next to me and the micro movements of your body that I enjoyed very much to admire.

It’s too bad though that I can’t forget how you called me ugly as you walked out my front door that day after you started a fight with me. I hope it was worth it to you. Those last words you said to me in person is how I remember you treating me. And they stung because you meant it and I know you did.

It’s too bad that I can’t forget how I sat and cried for hours on my bathroom floor as my best friend laid in the middle of my living room floor lifeless. You told me you were coming, but I didn’t have any drugs for you to do when you got here so you took the gas money I had sent you and you bailed and left me hanging to take care of my furbaby on my own without a care. I was terrified to touch him and couldn’t bare to look at him yet laid next to him and slept until I heard from the funeral home that I’ll never forget came to help me the morning of July 4th 2022. I told you this, I was vulnerable and honest with you and you took that as a weakness.

The good memories I have of you are fading, slowly but surely. You are fading away slowly but surely.

I will never allow your son to feel the pain you’ve made me feel and left me with. He will be respectful, honest, loving and strong. You don’t have to be around and pretend to love him or myself - I have all the love in the universe for him and that is all he will ever know. I will tell him you died in some heroic accident to save face. I’m not going to tell him that his dad was a lying, piece of shit drug addict who thought his mom was ugly.

Enjoy your wife and two daughters you kept secret from me even when I allowed you in my home and told you things about my life in an open, honest manner. I shared my resources with you, you didn’t take anything from me that I wasn’t willing to provide. My dreams, life plans and goals and hopes - all these personal things I told you about. Maybe you didn’t appreciate it, but I’m sure there will be a loving, decent man who will when I decide to start dating again.

Keep wasting time. The memories will all eventually fade, you will eventually fade and the only thing I’ll have left to remind me of you is a beautiful little boy who changed my life for the better in such an incredible way. I am not ugly. I am not the most beautiful girl in the world but I am honest and hardworking and deserve better than a guy who takes my innocence and curiosity for the world as a weakness.

Weakness would be me destroying your life and everything in it. Which I could easily do. You crossed the wrong Scorpio moon. Karma will do that for me, though, if you haven’t already done it yourself.