Idk why I'm writing this tbh, but I'm sitting on the balcony of my house, it's 3:47AM.

I'm going through the usual routine, it's gotten a bit worst lately to be completely honest with you, I'm at my lowest and I'm slowly losing all hope, as I'm writing this I haven't eaten in two days, the thought of food repulses me, that fact reminded me of you, a small smirk escaped me as I remembered how you used to ask me what I ate. Then like clockwork, I did what I do every night,

I opened your IG, I don't follow you but I just wanna check to see if you changed your bio. Then I check your other acc to see if you changed your pfp.

After that I immediately check whatsapp to see when your last seen was to make sure you're still alive and breathin, somtimes it doesn't show.

So I check your telegram..."last seen recently" been like that ever since we stopped talking, I always pause here and think in the silence of the night for a minute, "who could it be" - idk just forget about it. I tell myself to not fall into the deep abyss of the thought of you.

Then I check reddit, I check both of your accounts. I'm blocked on this one and my main but I check your accounts from my other account and again as I find nothing to tell me how you're doing, I wonder "did she just abandon the accounts and uses a new one" then after that a thought that always brings me a strange feeling of warmth is "maybe I'll stuble upon her account randomly one day"....just maybe.

But today is special, you see I just had a random thought and checked my profile because of it, we stopped talking for 2 months and a half; I have the exact date, 17th of april. I wrote a lot that day, and ever since that day, I can't recall a single time I went to sleep without thinking about you. Somtimes its brief and a fleeting thought, but a lot of the time that thought lingers for a second and becomes a sleepless night of endless voices in my head.

I had a random thought.

After all the time apart,

You're still close.